Over the years I have been witness to a lot of love stories. Mainly because I’m a jeweller and part of what I do is making sure the guy has a ring to ask the girl to be his forever. But I have also been witness to close friends, random acquaintances and past lovers finding love.
I’m not sure if it was part of my upbringing or what the world was going through at the time I was growing up but the general belief was that at some point in life someone will sweep you off your feet and you’ll live happily ever after. Well that hasn’t happened and the world has changed a hell of a lot since I was little.
I was so disappointed that the relationship with my first love didn’t last that I decided that Cupid was stupid. I promised myself to not wait around for someone to take me on adventures any longer and took myself on them instead. Now I’m such a good adventurer apparently it’s intimidating. Can’t win can I.
The pressure to find love hangs over me like a dark cloud. To find love, hilarious…is it hiding? We spend our lives looking for it and I haven’t sat across from anyone who could really tell me why? I want you to really think about your why, don’t just mechanically shout out an answer.
I have been single for more days in my life than I have been in relationship. And that’s ok but somehow we believe that our value lies within being chosen by another. How does another person hold the value of your existence in their hands? Better yet, how do you allow another person to decide the value of your existence? If we end up as a wall flower there must be something wrong with us, these are the general consensus. I often feel these thoughts creeping in and these questions lurking.
I’m starting to believe that the best way to live life is to just make it up as I go along. The things that applied to the past don’t necessarily ring true today and to live ones life according to a past belief system or idea doesn’t give you much of a choice between disappointment and disappointment. Surely finding love and living happily ever after isn’t the only destination.
It pains me to say that I’ve made a whole lot of decisions in the hope of meeting someone but lately I’ve made decisions in the hope of meeting myself. Also, once you find love, then what? We often seem to see it as a final goal in life and forget to think of what happens after we reach that certain goal.
Anyway, I must sound cynical or like I’ve given up, but I’ve just chosen a life of creative expression and full time commitment to my craft and now life looks a little different than those I share time with.
Happy to say that I’m once again changing tack and taking on a new challenge. Check in next week to hear all about it.
What can I say. I’m useless at waiting around.
Stefni
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